Limericks 2

Found these all over, can't take credit for any of them. All the same: enjoy!

There once was a man from Great Britain
Who interrupted two girls at their knittin'.
Said he with a sigh,
"That park bench, well I
Just painted it right where you're sittin'."


There once was a lady from Hyde,
Who ate a green apple and died,
While her lover lamented,
The apple fermented,
and made cider inside her inside.


There once was a man from Bombay
Who wore on his head a toupee.
He thought that he might
Give friends a delight
And remove his toupee for a day.


There was a young lady one fall
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section and all.


There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent a**;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think---
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.


There one was a man from Peru,
Who dreamed of eating his shoe,
he awoke with a fright,
in the middle of the night,
and found that his dream had come true!


There once was a guy named Matt
Who had an overly large cat
When it chased a mouse
It shook the whole house
So Matt got rid of the cat.


There once was a lady named Lynn
Who was so uncommonly thin,
that when she assayed
to drink lemonade,
she slipped through the straw and fell in!


A limerick fan from Australia
Regarded his work as a failure:
His verses were fine
Until the fourth line
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