Hello to all my fellow fans (ha).
I've not given up on writing you and one of my new resolutions is (yes I know) to write you more frequently. I thought I'd tell you about my stresses of the day. Without getting into too much info I'll try avoid using names. I was able to chat to a good friend today. Her mother was killed a few monthes back (like right around the time of my last entry). I have really enjoyed her company as I have not gotten to hang out with her in what feels like ages. I do worry about her life choices and especially her boyfriends but I shouldn't complain as I have had my fair share of... not so amazing men. I'm very glad that she's going to see a therapist for her mother's murder.
I also got a chance to speak with another friend on the phone, she's been having a heck of a time. Her and her husband have been trying to have children for around 2 years now and no luck, it was also good to visit with her (on the phone). When I told her I was expecting (over a year ago) it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. To complicate it, her other best friend had just a baby so I was not looking forward to telling her, it worked out good and she was happy for us. But the poor thing has the inlaws from Hell. I thought that my sister's were bad, but this friend's tops it all.
I have a good friend who is awefully depressed lately. We ALSO talked today. He's not sure what's going on but he has been cranky and is pulling away from his friends. So we talked online a bit. I hope that he is able to figure it out. I know what it's like to get in a rut and not know what it is or how to get out.
I had a chance to go through some old pictures today, I found a $900 paycheck I never deposited. When I told my husband I felt like he was going to flip out. It was 4 years old. We're working to see if the company will reissue it. I also found a bunch of old notes and letters written to me over the years by some friends. People that I don't keep intouch with since high school (except the one from my father.) They were thank you letters and notes of encouragement, which I really needed right now. You see, much like one of my friends I'm geting a bit depressed. I am starting to sleep as late as I can (till the baby needs to eat for a second time) and I never want to do anything, get dressed, talk to anyone, or eat or go anywhere. I haven't clean, and just try to excape in a book or movie or something else. But it is really starting to worry me because I'm starting to catch myself getting frustrated because the baby needs me. I mean hello he's a baby! I need to play with him and feed him and change his diaper and it usually is no big deal, but the past week I've been getting selfish with my time. I'm sure I'm a horrible mother now and someone will call social services on me soon. Regardless, he's been doing remarkablely good. We're about to try something besides baby cereal to eat and he rolls all over the floor, he'll be crawling any day now. He just needs a little more practice sitting up and he'll be really good at it. Can you get postpardum depression this late, 6 monthes after the baby?
I'm sure that a factor to my depression (and how I had all this free time on my hands to talk to so many people today) is how my husband has been deployed with FEMA for FOREVER. ok, really he's been gone since mid September but he's been deployed since August, some of it was local work. Anyway, he is sad because he is missing his son growing up and he doesn't like being alone and he is stressed so i get the job of cheering him up. He is working in Louisana trying to help with Katrina and Rita. He now is ONLY working 10 hours a day, 6 days a week and trying to study for his comprihensive exam of essays that will be from 9am to 5 pm (with a lunch break) covering his Master program material.
And lets talk about my holiday. My Father-In-Law is a great man. But he has a bit of a tendency to work his family's emotions. He has diabetes and reached the point where he needed dialisis. Now this man has been very sick since long before I met him and I understand that he was afraid to go on dialisis and that it's hard, and usually you don't stop dialisis until you die. But he decided he wanted to die (this was Christmas eve day.) He is saying his good bys to everyone and giving them blessings and everyone is crying all day. We don't live near the family so we hop in the car and drive like crazy to get to the house (he wanted to die at home) but before we got there we got a call. He changed his mind and wants to try it out. Well just great (we were about an hour away) so we just head to the hospital to see him. I'm very grateful that he is doing better and had a change of heart and wants to live, but how anti-climatical. My husband didn't know what to do, his emotions were all strung out by then and I found out that before I was dating my husband, his father did this all the time. I'm not complaining as much as listing one more thing I've been stressed about.
But now for a cheering up, lets end on a good note. I got to go visit my sister in September. She lives in ShenZen, China. I was able to go for 10 days and see her and her family. It was a once in a life time chance. I'm glad I got to go. It was really a neat thing to see. Pretty cool to have a son be a world traveler by age 2 months. Well it's late and I need to sleep. Farewell till next time.
